Chinese Proverb: If you bow at all, bow low.
The Chinese traditionally do not use diapers. Instead, children wear "split pants". Imagine pants where someone forgot to sew the inside seams of each leg together. These pants allow their bums to hang out and then apparently the children just let it fly wherever, whenever!
Aware of this custom, before we arrived, I took precautions for Olivia and shipped over about 50 boxes of pampers. Still, I was kinda looking forward to seeing some of the little children running around in their split pants. The pictures on the Internet all looked so cute with babies mooning everybody. The only thing is that now that I'm here, all I seem to be encountering is the "no pants look"! There are little hineys everywhere...on the subway, in restaurants, and recently I spotted a bare ass sitting in the grocery cart at the local market. Now how'd ya like to put your fresh fruit in that! No wonder you can't eat anything here. I have also spotted some little boys wearing these numbers that are open in the back and also have a big hole in the front that allows all their junk to hang out....coming and going. It looks like some weird wrestling costume and has a piece of dental floss holding the whole thing together. I cant help but wonder why their parents bothered to dress them at all. The few kids that are wearing bloomers have no problem dropping them and doing their business wherever. And, some of these kids are not exactly infants. For me, public urination begins to loses its appeal when the child is old enough to drive to the bathroom!
Another custom in China that I can't help but notice is the spitting! Women, Men....it matters not, are spitting on the sidewalks, on the subways and believe it or not in restaurants. Initially, I was a little self conscious about my chopstick etiquette as I was not particularly graceful with them at first. I really wanted to learn to use them, however, so I declined the frequent offers for a fork. During our first few meals, I would accidentally fling a noodle here or there and look to see if anyone noticed that I was picking it up with my fingers. Apparently not...they were too busy slurping soup from the mouth of their bowl then snorting and aiming lugees across the restaurant. It was then that I figured a few spilled noodles was no big deal and that the 5 second rule must surely apply here. The other day, Shawn and I were sitting in a restaurant and following and episode of that familiar sound, chhhk....pffooey, he asked if I was getting used to the spitting, which is kinda like asking if you are getting used to an itchy rash on your ass!
Now with all this pissing and spitting, the Chinese being meticulous people, are very particular about removing their shoes when they enter a home. In fact, several times I have witnessed people having what appears to be a stroke when Olivia picks something up off of the ground outdoors, "ohh no... dirty, dirty". Point taken, but I still can't help but think....."then stop shitting and spitting everywhere!". In any event, one of Shawn's coworkers popped over for a quick visit the other day. I like her very much and I know we would be fast friends if she could speak a little more English or I could speak a little more Chinese. Anyhoo, I invited her in and she came to the foyer and then pointed to her shoes. Really, I don't care if she takes her shoes off or not....I have a ayi now! But, I can't communicate that to her and she obviously cares, evidenced by her demeanor and failure to venture any further into the apartment. Still, she makes no attempt to take off her shoes and just stands there looking embarrassed.......so, am I to serve tea in the hallway. Don't know. Now I figure if I walk into the living room, maybe she will follow. Well, sort of. She leaves her shoes on and begins hopping on one foot! Oh, I see....maybe only half the amount of piss and spit from the streets enters your home when you do it that way! What the fuck!!! Needless to say....I am not "buzzing" a lot of visitors up these days..so if you are planning to drop by, please call first!
