My Chi is Off

Chinese Proverb: What you cannot avoid, welcome.

It is true. I had to let the ayi go. Rather, I had someone who speaks Chinese call and let her go. Apparently, the ayi hadn't seen Donald Trump's show, the Apprentice, and didn't know what it meant when someone points an imaginary gun finger at you and utters "you're fired"! I know what you're thinking....its because she grabbed my boob. Wrong! I could have worked around that...in fact welcomed it, but last week she crossed the line. I found the ayi wearing my slippers. Now, the hand up my blouse is one thing, the funky ass toes in my slippers is quite another. I didn't even own slippers until I got to China but with all these "no feet touching the floor" customs or rituals or whatever they are, I got myself a pair.... Ya know to fit in. My feet are like size 8 and the chinese wear size 3 or thereabouts, so shes just flip floppin around the apartment like sasquatch. I think we'll be fine without her. We have a mop in the closet thats somewhat crusty...but nothing that a good soak in hot water can't revive and some blue liquid. We can't read the label on the blue stuff but Shawn and I both refer to it as windex. What else could it be:)

This is the way its been going for us lately with the "working class" here in China.  With the Olympics coming to an end things seem to be "back to normal" here and we have become acquainted with three or so beggars that cruise our neighborhood. Shawn and I think they are in the Asian pan handler Union because they all use the same cup to collect spare change. Is there a wholesale club that I haven't found yet. In any event, we are an obvious target for this kind of thing because we are Westerners. A couple are quite pushy and shake their can in our faces which invariably causes me to refuse to give them anything. I believe in good customer service...no matter what the situation. So, theres one guy...gives us that gesture, ya know the thumbs up. He never shakes his can at me, smiles at the baby etc. Plus he wears a cool hat and has a fu man chu.  Shawn and I agree...hes our guy.  So, we are out walking the other night and here he comes.  Shawn pulls out his pocket change and tosses it into the can.  We continue to the corner to wait for the light to change. As we stand on the corner with the 8 thousand other people waiting to cross the street, I shit you not...the bum comes running down the street after us yelling bu yao, bu yao! That translates roughly to "don't need/don't want". He apparently was not happy with his tip and was so insulted that he chased us down the street to give it back! Apparently we are having a little difficulty with the exchange rate and Shawn can't really say for sure if he gave him 5 cents or fifty bucks.  So, now we feel so bad that everytime we see him, Shawn practically empties his wallet into the can. We may have him over to dinner this week and if things work out....you guessed it. Maybe the offer a of job. My new ayi!

You may have noticed by now that we are experiencing some culture shock. There are so many things we still don't understand. For instance, by this time I am getting really good with the chopsticks, I mean really good. When the waitstaff offer me a spoon for eating things like peas I always respond "bu yao" (don't need/don't want). I can eat a whole bowl of rice with those things, one grain at a time. Still, no matter how skilled I have become, invariably something gets away from me. See, typically the host at dinner orders several plates of food which are shared among the diners. So, you don't just have to get the food in your mouth with the chopsticks, first you have to get it from the serving bowl in the center of the table to your plate...and then your mouth. Today we are having a lovely lunch with some of Shawn's associates from the office. One of the main dishes is dumplings and they are covered in flavored oil. They are scrumptious but slippery and not for the novice chopstick user. Half way through lunch I lost my concentration and one got away. By got away, I mean it landed one half inch west of my plate, then on a clean napkin which layed over a clean linen white table cloth that we watched them put freshly on the table just moments before. When I went to retrieve it, however, shock and horror on the faces of our fellow diners plus a slight elbow nudge from Shawn.  What...no five second rule?  Apparently this slight infraction had "tainted" the dumpling beyond revival.... it was officially out of bounds! Who knew! Please note however, that it would have been perfectly acceptable to throw a cigarette butt on the floor, to then spit a lugee for distance and follow up by pulling down Olivia's pants so she could pee under the table. So, I let the dumpling sit through the remainder of our meal and when our hosts got up to pay the check, I picked it up with my fingers, ate it and then licked my fingers.....twice. It was scrumptious!